My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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