capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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