I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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