so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
