i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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