Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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