the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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