If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
