Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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