In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We got so high we made milksteak
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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