so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk is not a location!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
