apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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