Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
