I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
