I hope mine doesn't look like that
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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