Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish I only lived at night.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
