You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize