The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
it was like eating out sand paper
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you had me at cake vodka
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
