porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
