I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
