im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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