dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
