Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
