Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
