how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
