Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
