my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
