walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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