We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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