evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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