I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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