we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
