dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
