I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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