You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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