I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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