oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize