Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I deserve this hangover.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
