I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I need a beard to bite.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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