First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
