so explain again why im purple
no
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
