I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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