On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
