Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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