sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
