Can Purell be used as lube?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
