remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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