My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
