I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
