saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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