hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
