Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
