According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
