well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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