I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
