Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
