One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
