if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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