he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
