He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
