How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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