anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
