So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
