And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize