He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
