he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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