I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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