Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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