I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
