they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
