just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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