Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize