He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
