I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
