Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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