i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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