This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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