She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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