Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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