clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
