I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
