why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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