Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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