hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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