Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will pee on everything he values.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
