fuck your aforementioned shoe
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
