apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
