butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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