Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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