I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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