News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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