How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
