we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
A bitchslap is in order.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
