why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
