Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize