now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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