I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
