she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize