I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
