we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
