Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
