i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize