my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize