fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
