grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
