She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
