I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Use "feeling words"
Yay
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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