4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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